IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that many countries are spending a considerable amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to develop technology to explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space,
while
Linking Words
 people believe that it could be the
pefect
Correct your spelling
perfect
 way to spend
money
Use synonyms
, some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society oppose it, which has raised
emerged
Verb problem
heated
show examples
 debate in the community. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give my opinion and discuss the reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I firmly agree, as there are
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 more beneficial aspects to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the authorities may consider
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
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 part of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 income
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 improving the country's infrastructure in order to enhance the
society
Change noun form
society's
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 well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, as many
emplyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 are spending a lot of time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic, providing the community
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 alternative transportation method
such
Linking Words
 as tram or public buses
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will enhance people's quality of life. Another point to consider,
as
Add a missing verb
is as
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 there are some rare species
animals
Change preposition
of animals
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 in the wildlife at risk of
extiction
Correct your spelling
extinction
, governments should invest in preserving these types of animals and study how to increase their offspring.
In addition
Linking Words
, a significant amount of the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
expendictures
Correct your spelling
expenditures
 may be used in the health sector. To illustrate, building a
researchal
Correct your spelling
research
 hospital to investigate rare incurable diseases and study the possible treatments.
For example
Linking Words
, a paper proposed that more than 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of females diagnosed with breast cancer are at high risk of
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
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 and death
due to
Linking Words
no
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 availability of treatment till recent days.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite people having different views, in my opinion, I consider that
instead
Linking Words
 of space exploration, there are many useful aspects to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction to clearly state your position and outline the main points you'll discuss.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that tells the main idea of that paragraph.
coherence
Check for grammatical errors and typos to improve clarity.
content
You identify some important points about spending money on society issues.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • justified expenditure
  • technological advances
  • earthly concerns
  • telecommunications
  • environmental conservation
  • inspire innovation
  • diplomatic relationships
  • peaceful cooperation
  • long-term survival
  • colonization
  • commercial ventures
What to do next:
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