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Writing Samples
Band 5

​​Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In recent years, the debate between the positive and negative effects of
competition
Use synonyms
 in schools has been widely discussed. Some believe that over-competitiveness is bad for
students
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,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that allowing
students
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 to compete with
other
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 another can motivate them to do better. I believe that
competition
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 between people can enable
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 strive for better results, but unmanaged
competeting
Correct your spelling
competition
 can lead to stress and have the opposite effect. On the
one
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 hand,
constantly
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being constantly
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 surrounded by overachieving schoolmates can affect
one
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's self-esteem.
For instance
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, always being around people who achieve much better academic results can lead to comparisons and feelings of failure.
Students
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are unable to excel academically in a result-driven society will eventually feel that they are not good enough, thereby developing
a
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apply
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low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.
On the other hand
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, developing the ambition to strive for at a young age
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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can positively affect an individual in their future career.
For example
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, job opportunities are limited and requirements are high, and only those who have the drive and determination to work towards that goal will have a higher chance of succeeding in life. Working hard becomes a habit ingrained into young children, and
this
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 skill can assist them in any difficult situations. In my view,
competition
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 between children can stimulate growth as they will push each other to attain better results by all means necessary. They will be able to think critically on their own and
further
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 challenge themselves to solve problems.
This
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 can aid in the growth of not just academic success, but
also
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 professional advancements in the future.
However
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, there should be a limit as to how much to push a student. Certain
students
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 may not be able to handle
such
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 stressful environments, and the idea
to create
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of creating
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 friendly
competition
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 will backfire, resulting in a negative outcome.
Therefore
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, to have the intended effect, schools should not force
students
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 to strive against
one
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 another, but naturally allow
students
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 to find similar individuals who can motivate
one
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 another at their own pace. In conclusion, there are both benefits and drawbacks
in
Change preposition
to
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 cultivating rivalry in institutions, but must be done in moderation, as the result of pressure can be detrimental to an adolescent's mental well-being.

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coherence
Make sure to clearly connect your ideas so that readers can easily follow your argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples more often to support your points and make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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