IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activities of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments should invest both in
education
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 and free time
activities
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 for young
people
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 as they contribute to the creation of developed societies. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
education
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 is an essential pillar for an advanced society.
People
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 with
quaility
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quality
education
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 not only have
acces
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access
 to better job
opportunites
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opportunities
, but they
also
Linking Words
 tend to become responsible citizens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, high levels of
education
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 are often associated
to
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with
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 more secure and peaceful
socities
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societies
.
Thus
Linking Words
, is of vital importance to assure young
people
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 with
education
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. On the other side, free time
activities
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 are a vehicle to provide young
people
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 with culture. Investing in
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as art galleries, public gymnasiums, and parks is another way to contribute to their
education
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. Through
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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activities
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, youths can learn about history, science, health, and sports. They
also
Linking Words
propritiate
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propitiate
propitiated
 healthy leisure environments and more internal cohesion within societies.
This
Linking Words
 type of
activities
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 result
of
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in
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extremely
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extreme
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 importance, particularly nowadays, when youth
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 constantly exposed to many vices like social media, drugs, and violence. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, governments should find a balance between the investment for both. They are not mutually exclusive, they complement each other. Together, they can form an integral strategy to enrich the development of young
people
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 and
a
Remove the article
apply
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society in general.

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task achievement
Make sure to include examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence
Ensure your paragraphs are clear and directly related to your main ideas. Sometimes, they can feel mixed.
coherence
Use clearer linking words between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader better through your essay.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of both education and free time activities, showing critical thinking.
coherence
Your introduction sets a strong foundation for your argument and outlines your view clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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