IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that it is better for high school students to study a wide range of subjects than to focus on a narrow range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the wide variety of
knowledge
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 nowadays, some people believe that aiming for a wide range of
subjects
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 in high school is more beneficial than focusing on just a few. In
this
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 essay, I want to illustrate both opinions and why I think it is better to
focus
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 on a narrow range in a growing community. On the
one
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 hand, learning many different things can
strenghten
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strengthen
 common
knowledge
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 and support critical thinking skills, which are essential for young students. In explanation,
this
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 means that it is possible to combine different issues and solve a problem
while
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 applying the
knowledge
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 of a solved
one
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.
Thus
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,
one
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 subject can be
another problems solution
Change to a genitive case
the solution of another problem
another problem's solution
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.
However
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, not having the time and
ressources
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resources
 to
focus
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 on a theme can lead to a
stand still
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standstill
show examples
 regarding the progress of
such
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subject
Correct article usage
a subject
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, living in a community where
knowledge
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 can be shared, it makes more sense to
focus
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 on a few points.
For instance
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, spending time on
one
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 subject can boost understanding and result in much better progress in the long term. In return, said progress can be shared amongst others focusing on different
subjects
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.
This
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 leads to a higher erudition across all
subjects
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 altogether and students can choose where they want to
imrove
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improve
. To summarize, I believe
while
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 spreading
knowledge
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 is important for student development, it is more beneficial in our growing community to
focus
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 on
few
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a few
show examples
subjects
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but become better at those, to
then
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 share their information.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are clearly stated and supported with more specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more logically. Use linking words to show how one idea leads to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling mistakes to improve clarity.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion in the introduction and summarize well in the conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded
  • interdisciplinary
  • curriculum
  • specialization
  • mastery
  • core curriculum
  • elective options
  • educational systems
  • extracurricular activities
  • job market trends
  • skill set
  • academic rigor
  • vocational skills
  • cognitive flexibility
  • career trajectory
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