IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern technology is now very common in most places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

We live in very exciting times as
technology
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 continues to improve at
such
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 a rapid and exponential pace,
this
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 has significantly changed the way we work and like all
things
Add a comma
things,
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 it has its benefits
as well as
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it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 drawbacks.
Personally
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Personally,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think it has done more good than harm but
i
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I
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 do agree that relying too much on
technology
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 has a negative net benefit.
Firstly
Linking Words
 the advent of
smart phones
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smartphones
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 and computers has massively increased the productivity of the average individual both in our personal and professional
lives
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for instance
Linking Words
 a decade ago in
nigeria
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Nigeria
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, for an individual to
access
Use synonyms
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 they would need to get outside of the comfort of their homes and find their way to what was called an
internet
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 cafe where they would have to pay to use the
internet
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, No unlimited
access
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 , as usage was timed and it was quite uncomfortable in retrospect.
Linking Words
Secondly
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Secondly,
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 we take a look at
starlink
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Starlink
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 before
this
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 amazing innovation
internet
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access
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 albeit relatively easy still wasn't all that accessible in rural or
war torn
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war-torn
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 areas now with a
starlink
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Starlink
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 device anyone anywhere can
access
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Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 with ease, Artificial intelligence
also
Linking Words
 has had a major impact in increasing productivity and it will only get better as we approach artificial general intelligence.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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technology
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 whilst massively beneficial is not without
it's
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its
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 drawbacks it's
been know
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been known
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 to dampen creativity as we humans rely too much on it. Reliance on large language models is a great example of
this
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, prior to
it's
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its
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 emergence an average student with a
take home
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take-home
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 assignment, an essay
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, for instance,
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for instance
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 would have needed to tap into their creative arsenal in order to come up with something impressive to submit to their professors but with the emergence of LLMs students all over the world simply delegate the responsibility of doing their
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 to OpenAi's chatGPT which is a serious dilemma as creativity is part of what sets us apart from our
mamamalian
Correct your spelling
mammalian
 counterparts.
Linking Words
Subsequently
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Subsequently,
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technology
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 had some negative effects
in
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on
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 the
lives
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 of children as they spend a significant portion of their
lives
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 scrolling through social media platforms and pay no attention to their surroundings anymore, needless to
say
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say,
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 an entire generation of social media addicts is anything but good for a thriving society. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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Technology
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 has been a groundbreaking introduction into society and it has had a lot of positive impacts in our
day to day
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day-to-day
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lives
Use synonyms
 but like all amazing things it doesn't come without
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 drawbacks i feel it's up to us as individuals to find a balance between enjoying to the fullest all the amazing benefits and opportunity it brings and relying too much on it.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main idea at the beginning and support it with strong examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to have smoother transitions between your ideas to help the reader follow your thoughts better.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples related to technology and its effects on society, such as smartphones and AI.
introduction and conclusion present
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and reflects on the balance needed between technology and life.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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