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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph gives information about the proportion of students from age 18 to 25 years old in universities in four various areas (Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand) from 1961 to 2011.

The line graph gives information about the proportion of students from age 18 to 25 years old in universities in four various areas (Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand) from 1961 to 2011.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of university students in four Asian countries between 1961 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Singapore and Thailand were the countries with a higher proportion.
Whereas
Linking Words
 Malaysia and
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 presented the lower.
According to
Linking Words
 the figure, Thailand
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained stable between 20% and 25% from 1961 to 1991 before experiencing an increase which doubled
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 participation. By 2011, it was the only
who
Correct pronoun usage
one who
show examples
 surpassed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40%.
While
Linking Words
 Singapore has experienced a fluctuation. Its increase was gradual experiencing two high peaks. One at the level of 30% in 1971 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 with 35% in 1991. By 2001, there was a moderate decrease before starting to
went
Change the verb
go
show examples
 up again.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Malaysia
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a rise between 1961 and 1991 reaching
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 peak at
this
Linking Words
 level with a 15%
surpassed
Wrong verb form
surpassing
show examples
 to Philippines around 1970. Since 1991 has remained stable.
Whereas
Linking Words
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 tripled
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 proportion. It commenced with a 5% in 1961, rising
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gradually until 1991
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
wenting
Correct your spelling
gone
 up since
there
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • enrollment rates
  • demographic
  • tertiary education
  • fluctuations
  • incremental rise
  • decline
  • plateau
  • significant surge
  • economic indicators
  • educational reform
  • policy implementation
  • socioeconomic factors
  • projected growth
  • benchmarking
  • statistical analysis
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