IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

This
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 world has changed today, especially in the educational system. Nowadays some
people
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 believe that you shouldn’t give
children
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 educational
activities
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 during their free
time
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. Others say they have to do educational
activities
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.
This
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 essay will explain both perspectives, and I will give my opinion. On the one hand, having
children
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 performing educational
activities
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 in their free
time
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 is an excellent idea. First,
this
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 will help them excel academically.
People
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 think if
children
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 are given educational
activities
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, it will make them excel academically.
Therefore
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, they will go to the best universities in the future.
As a result
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, the country will benefit by having the highest level of graduated
people
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.
This
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 will increase the productivity of the government, which will lead to the development of the country
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apply
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 and society.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 argue that we shouldn’t force
children
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 to do educational
activities
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, in their free
time
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. First, it will put them under pressure.
Therefore
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, they will hate studying. In the future maybe they will prefer working rather than going to college
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 and completing their studies.
Second,
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when
children
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 have free
time
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,
people
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 believe that they can find their passion.
This
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 will make them more productive, more than any academic person ,who is not passionate about their field. In my opinion, it depends on the child, if they have a passion for studying,
then
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 it will be the best option.
However
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, if they don’t like to do homework
,
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 and other educational
activities
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, they will do things that they enjoy. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are both pros and cons to having
children
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 do extra academic work in their free
time
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to your topic. You have good points, but they need clearer links to your opinion.
task achievement
Try to include specific examples to support your points. This will make your ideas clearer and stronger.
task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your opinion on the issue. This helps guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points nicely, which is a good way to end your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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