IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays the topic of the perfect way of staying fit is commonly discussed. There are some individuals who think that to keep fit is by having a healthy lifestyle
activitys
Correct your spelling
activity
 or joining a
gym
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
,others think
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 is possible by daily
activity's
Change noun form
activity
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. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both views and present my opinion. To start , there are many reasons why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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some people believe that going to the
gym
Use synonyms
 Or joining a club is more effective and beneficial for
there
Replace the word
their
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 body to stay fit .
Meaning
Correct article usage
The meaning
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 of
this
Linking Words
 is it can be more enjoyable to do with others .
For example
Linking Words
, to meet a friend or to have
an
Change the article
the
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 ability to meet new people can actually help to cheer each other up to finish the workout and achieve their goals together. In my opinion, I do agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that it is better to have the
gym
Use synonyms
 as a specific place where I can explode all the energy out.
In addition
Linking Words
,a place where all the equipment
available
Add a missing verb
is available
show examples
 and a
braivet
Correct your spelling
brevet
 couch
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will always be available . In other people's
words
Add a comma
words,
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 it's way more comfortable and enough to keep fit to do all exercises at home.A lot said that it is better than wasting money and time by going to the
gym
Use synonyms
 ,
that
Correct word choice
and that
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 the daily workout is as effective as it is in the
gym
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a research study showed that a
30 minute
Add a hyphen
30-minute
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 walk every day can increase your
overall
Linking Words
 strength .
Moreover
Linking Words
, with our current technology fitness
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be found easily on the internet with a press of a button. In conclusion, there are many opinions about what is the best way to stay fit I personally believe it is you who choose what's the best option for you.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to make it more engaging with a strong hook. Paraphrase more effectively to show understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps readers follow your ideas more easily.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your views. This will strengthen your argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents both views, which is good for a discussion type question.
task achievement
You express your opinion, which is important in this type of essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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