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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period on 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period on 2011.
The given line graph illustrates the different methods people used to acquire
information
Use synonyms
 from the Tourist
Information
Use synonyms
 Office over the first six months of 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a strong upward trend in
inquiries
Use synonyms
 made directly and by
phoning
Replace the word
phone
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for those via written forms.
Moreover
Linking Words
, enquiries made at the office witnessed the most significant change among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 categories. In January, the number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 by phone stood at nearly 900, making it the most common method to get
information
Use synonyms
, in comparison with around 800 and 400 of those made in written forms and in person, respectively. In the next month,
this
Linking Words
 figure decreased and hit a low of 800 times,
while
Linking Words
 enquiries made directly continuously increased to 600.
However
Linking Words
, March witnessed a recovery of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 through telephoning to 1000 turns, in terms of direct method, the number went up and surpassed those by mailing to be the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 one to get
information
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the Tourist
Information
Use synonyms
 Office saw a minimal change in the way people asked for
information
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 written forms. During the second quarter, the figure for enquiries in direct contact consistently grew and exceeded those by
phoning
Change the form of the verb
phone
show examples
 to reach a peak at around 1900 times. Phone
inquiries
Use synonyms
 remained
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same level from March to April,
then
Linking Words
 noticeably climbed to 1600 over 2 following months, ranked as the second preferred method of getting
information
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 period experienced a steady decrease in the total number of mailing requests from just under 600 to under 400.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words information, inquiries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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