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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary world, there has been a rapid shift towards consumerism.
Dominance
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The dominance
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 of marketing famous consumer
products
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 is reflected by the high sales, not by the actual wants of the
society
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 in which they are sold. I fully agree with
this
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 notion, because of the materialistic world.  One of the key factors of
this
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 is
,
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apply
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 the advancements in technology. Advertisements have
gotten
Verb problem
become
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 very easy to display and reach every member of
society
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 because of electronics
such
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 as phones, laptops and televisions. The various kinds of advertisements,
for instance
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, posters, videos and billboards, have celebrities and famous people using or gifting the product, which compels their followers and fans to buy the same
goods
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 as they want to use the same item as their favourite. Eventually,
this
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 contributes to a surge in the sales of particular consumer
goods
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.
Furthermore
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, the companies pay influencers on social media to market their
products
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 and rate them positively
due to
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 which more and more buyers purchase the
goods
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however
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, however
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, not because of urgent need but because of looks or convenience.
Additionally
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, online
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products
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product
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 websites keep sending emails of newly launched
products
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 to the consumers and notifying them of the
products
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 in their cart. When an individual opens their website, they show several
products
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 on the home page, forcing the buyer to take a look before moving forward to buy their necessities. These sites
also
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 provide huge discounts and free items with
products
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 which
pressuris
Correct your spelling
pressurise
 the person to buy them as well.
Consequently
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,
this
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 creates a
society
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 filled with unnecessary
products
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 which get thrown out by the person and into the wastelands, which worsens climate change.
To conclude
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,
this
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 shift towards
materialistic
Correct article usage
a materialistic
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society
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 is a pressing issue which needs to be dealt
with
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with with
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 caution. It is true that advertising plays a significant role in shaping consumer
behavior
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behaviour
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 and boosting the sales of popular
goods
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, it often does so by creating artificial desires rather than addressing genuine societal needs.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
Task Achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points better.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear opinion and argument in your essay.
Task Achievement
Your topics and ideas are relevant to the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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