IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Violence in the media promotes violence in society to what extent do you agree or disagree.

In the
contemperory
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contemporary
 world, the
contreversy
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controversy
 surrounding the impact of
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 and TV has become a prominent topic. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the brutality content shown in the
media
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 has a direct influence on the
violence
Use synonyms
 occurring in the country. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view.
Firstly
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,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of elements shown in the
media
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 like movies and television programs involve
violence
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 and always seem to be entertaining, right and normal to
people
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 who are watching them and
this
Linking Words
 will have
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 detrimental impact on young
people
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ecspecially
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especially
. The effect will be even
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
 if they are watching their favourite celebrity on television.
This
Linking Words
 is because those famous
people
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 become role models for
young
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the young
show examples
 generation and they tend to follow anything done by the character
potrayed
Correct your spelling
portrayed
 in the film. Some films do have positivity and great messages,
however
Linking Words
, most of the time they
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative elements and
violence
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.
Although
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people
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 may say the audience can
takeaway
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take away
show examples
 the good and leave behind the bad, teenagers often do not always make rational decisions thereby leading them to learn things which make them feel alive and exciting. Not only will they conduct violent
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 towards their family members, but
also
Linking Words
 in schools and public areas.
For instance
Linking Words
, school students may
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in fighting with their fellow classmates
as a result
Linking Words
 of
aggresion
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aggression
 and feeling of having everything in their control just as what the
film makers
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film-makers
show examples
 show on screen thereby leading to
severe
Add an article
a severe
the severe
show examples
 negative impact on society.
In addition
Linking Words
, in society these days, there are communities who often seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
attention and
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 has become a motivation for them. Some
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 more susceptible to its influence than others.
For example
Linking Words
, there are children in families who receive less care and love from their parents and often build up emotions
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because of lack of communication, they find ways to express those feelings,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which,
most
Change preposition
in most
show examples
 cases learnt through
media
Use synonyms
. The
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 may imitate the violent
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 they see in
media
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 especially if the
violence
Use synonyms
 is
potrayed
Correct your spelling
portrayed
 as realistic and unpunishable.
As a result
Linking Words
, they become less empathetic and
agression
Correct your spelling
aggression
 will transform into physical
violence
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 in the
media
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such
Linking Words
 as TV programs and films
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 adverse effects on society
due to
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 the fact that
they
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it
show examples
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to behave aggressively,
as well as
Linking Words
 normalising brutality.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas are well-organized and clearly connected to each other. Use linking words to help the reader follow your argument.
task response
Try to give more specific examples to support your points. This can help make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
language accuracy
Check your writing for small grammar and spelling mistakes. These can make your essay harder to read and understand.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the topic, which is great. It shows that you understand the question well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitization
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Imitation
  • Media regulation
  • Cultural context
  • Exposure
  • Social influence
  • Violent imagery
  • Psychological impact
  • Norms and values
  • Media consumption
  • Sensationalism
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