IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think traveling abroad is necessary while others think that is not necessary because TV and the Internet can give the same information.

The
debate
Correct article usage
a debate
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 about whether it is necessary to
travel
Use synonyms
 to other countries
or
Correct word choice
apply
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some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that it is no longer necessary to take trips to other countries any more because
Add an article
the
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public
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 get similar information from social
media
Use synonyms
.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, the former group believes that what a
person
Use synonyms
 perceives from his naked eyes is different from what he learns from other sources. To be clearer,
media
Use synonyms
 have limitations in copying the culture and tradition of a geographical area with utmost perfection, and when it is seen in
person
Use synonyms
, the satisfaction level of perception would be superior.
For example
Linking Words
, it is better to go to China and experience their living conditions, climate, language and food rather than watching it on visual
media
Use synonyms
 like TV and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, which has limited access to the Chinese indigenous culture.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,For those who do not have free time to
travel
Use synonyms
 overseas, there is no need to
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad in
person
Use synonyms
. The information obtained through mass
media
Use synonyms
 is the same.Modern networks have solved the problem of regional restrictions in tourism，
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 want to
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad to watch the World Cup and experience the atmosphere of live matches.
Then
Linking Words
, because the World Cup is held in different countries each time, many
people
Use synonyms
 are unable to apply for tourist visas in a timely manner and give up going to the venue in
person
Use synonyms
. Live television broadcasting allows these
people
Use synonyms
 to watch live matches through the internet without having to physically attend, effectively solving the problem of geographical restrictions. At the same time, live broadcasting
also
Linking Words
 allows online viewers to feel the tense atmosphere. In general, I believe
people
Use synonyms
 and nations all benefit from the development of the international tourism industry in
this
Linking Words
 age of globalization.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 technological advances
such
Linking Words
 as TV and the Internet are just as much a part of
the
Change the word
our
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 lives as paper and pen have been throughout history, their roles are to offer alternative sources of information rather than to take others' places.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main idea.
task response
Make sure your introduction outlines the main points you'll discuss.
task response
Use simpler language in complex sentences to improve clarity.
content
The essay presents both sides of the argument well.
content
Good use of examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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