IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Subjects like arts, music and drama are more important than other school subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

People believe that
subjects
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 like arts,
music
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, and drama hold more importance and should be given more
time
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 as compared to other
subjects
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
,
along with
Linking Words
 the following viewpoints. The first and foremost point in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 situation is the individual's expression. If a person devotes more
time
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 to artistic things
such
Linking Words
 as
music
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 and drama, it leads to better expression of one's feelings, which ultimately results in better mental health, which is mandatory for improving critical thinking and
overall
Linking Words
 health. The second point to comprehend
this
Linking Words
 condition is better
career
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 opportunities.
Time
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 spent on crucial art-based
subjects
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 makes a person so much expert in
this
Linking Words
 field at an early age
,
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apply
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 so that individual can opt. It is a
career
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 to earn his livelihood
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long run.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 an article published in The Indian Times newspaper, in January 2025, a famous Bollywood singer, Diljit Dosanjh, devoted most of his
time
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 to learning
music
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 from the age of 10; now he is flourishing in his
career
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 in the
music
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 industry. In conclusion, Art-based
subjects
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 are of more value as compared to other
subjects
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, and more
time
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 should be devoted to these
subjects
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 as it help individuals to express themselves in order to support their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being and to earn money through pursuing a
career
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 in these
subjects
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.

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task achievement
Try to add more examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to improve flow between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly focuses on one idea.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You provide a relevant example to support your point about career opportunities.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • cultural awareness
  • emotional well-being
  • social skills
  • globalized world
  • balanced curriculum
  • STEM skills
  • foundational
  • career paths
  • problem-solving
  • diverse backgrounds
  • mental health
  • economic trends
  • participation
  • creative outlet
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