Subjects like arts, music and drama are more important than other subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is a commonly held belief that humanitarian fields
such
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as arts, music and drama bear a significant value in comparison to other school subjects. A current narrative reads that the educational system should dedicate more focus to them.
While
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this
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argument remains a bone of contention for a wider segment of society, I beg to differ.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives and provide illustrations when possible.
To begin
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with, activities associated with art and music promote creativity.
This
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is primarily
due to
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the fact that these practices are performed with fewer restrictions. Several people can paint or play instruments as they please, which encourages self-expression and helps them understand themselves.
Furthermore
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, it has been documented that devoting more time to participate in artistic work helps reduce anxiety, which aids many
to improve
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in improving
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their performances in
schools
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school
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.
In contrast
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, scientific subjects are of paramount importance because they are future-oriented. From
aeroplanes
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aeroplane
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navigation to smart computers, we use statistics and large data to enhance the quality of life, and our world today cannot function without numbers.
Thus
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, both children and juveniles must learn the basics of these fields in school.
Additionally
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, these curricula foster reasoning and mental abilities
such
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as logical thinking. These skills are fundamental not only because they contribute to solving various problems but
also
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help governments worldwide to be part of the incremental advances seen in developed nations. In conclusion, a nation’s tomorrow is built on today’s educational outcomes.
While
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the concentration on art and music can have plenty of benefits, I firmly believe that science has a greater impact on our society.
Thus
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, learners’ valuable time must not be allocated to partake in disciplines that do not guarantee a brighter future for our country.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points, especially in the second paragraph about scientific subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow from one to the next. Use more linking words like 'furthermore' or 'however' to connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your main points.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Stimulate creativity
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Emotional and social benefits
  • Self-expression
  • Cultural appreciation
  • Global citizenship
  • Balanced education
  • Diverse career paths
  • Stress reduction
  • Mental well-being
  • Talent nurturing
  • Substantial career opportunities
  • Arts-based subjects
  • Confidence building
What to do next:
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