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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows the number of people taking part in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant (Minh)

The graph shows the number of people taking part in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant (Minh)
The given graph describes the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
participatingin
Correct your spelling
participating in
 4 kinds of sports in a particular region in 20 years from 1985 to 2005. A general look at the graph clearly shows that the
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 who took part in rugby witnessed a downward trend
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of tennis
players
Use synonyms
 witnessed an upward trend.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 playing badminton and basketball remained stable. Looking at the graph from a more detailed perspective,
firstly
Linking Words
, there was a slight decline from 240
athletes
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 to 200
athletes
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regarding
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rugby in the first decade from 1985 to 1995 and it fell rapidly before hitting
all-time
Add an article
an all-time
show examples
 low
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 50
athletes
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of tennis
players
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 moderately increased by 70
players
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 from 150
players
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 to 220
players
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Lastly
Linking Words
, both the
number
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 of badminton
athletes
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 and basketball levelled out at around 50
people
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 and 90
people
Use synonyms
 respectively over the given period

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, players, athletes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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