IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

ome people think that there could be more benefits to society if more people studied business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that students who study
business
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 could contribute more advantages to
the
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apply
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society
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 than others who study history. Personally, I strongly agree with the statement that
business
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 studying could impact
the
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apply
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society
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 to a greater extent.

Businessman could promote economic growth for
the
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society
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 by using their experience and knowledge to achieve allocative efficiency and productivity for their firms.
This
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 is mainly because
business
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 studying allows students
get
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to get
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 more exposure to the world law of currency,
while
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 history studying only focuses on ancient relics exploration. As the majority of the firms are
profit motivated
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profit-motivated
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, firms are more likely and more willing to hire an employer who is specialized in investment or innovation.
Therefore
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,
such
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initiative
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an initiative
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 not only lowers
social
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the social
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 unemployment rate
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 reduces production
cost
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costs
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 and improves the productivity of goods and services.


However
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, others may argue that imparting historical knowledge could foster a nation's collective identity and
instill
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instil
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 shared values
such
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 as unity and social cohesion.
For example
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, South Korea strengthens national solidarity and resilience by
provides
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providing
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historic
Correct word choice
historical
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 lessons about past invasions and resistance movements to youngsters. Without
such
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 a meaningful lecture,
society
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 may be fragmented regarding
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the lacks
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lacks
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lack
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 of strategies to confront both present and future challenges.
Moreover
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, by studying history, individuals and societies can learn valuable lessons from previous mistakes, which helps prevent the recurrence of wars, discrimination, and social conflicts.

In conclusion,
although
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 historical lessons could derive significant cultural benefits,
business
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subject
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subjects
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pursue
Verb problem
apply
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could impact
the
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apply
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society
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 more directly since the whole world is around currencies, money and resources.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly repeat your main idea in your conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly and make your writing easy to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion in the introduction, which helps guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which shows good critical thinking.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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