IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
plans
Change the verb form
plan
show examples
 for their future ahead of
time
Use synonyms
. Young adults take early
Use synonyms
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
career
Use synonyms
 path which helps them to have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 satisfied life than others,
Although
Linking Words
, it is
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 their job path
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early stage
this
Linking Words
 does not mean that it is an acceptable
decision
Use synonyms
. on the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
show examples
, there are a lot of
people
Use synonyms
try
Correct pronoun usage
who try
show examples
 to plan for their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age for numerous reasons.
First,
Linking Words
Some occupations
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
preparations
Fix the agreement mistake
preparation
show examples
. To clarify, medical field occupations need medical record clearance which should be done before joining medical school.
Also
Linking Words
, some majors need high
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
 to be eligible to join them.
For example
Linking Words
,
engeneering
Correct your spelling
engineering
 and medical doctors require high grades
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high school
as a result
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who plan to enter these majors need to be prepared ahead of
time
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it increases the opportunity for
employing
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 in better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, since they have their
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
that need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 for the company or working place already prepared.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, planning for
Use synonyms
occupation
Correct article usage
an occupation
show examples
 path at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 stage might be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trouble because some majors are not needed.
For instance
Linking Words
, Arabic and
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
show examples
 teachers are fully occupied in
middle
Capitalize word
Middle
show examples
east
Replace the word
Eastern
show examples
 countries.
Consequently
Linking Words
, young adults should not plan very early for their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 might be unsatisfied with their
decision
Use synonyms
 because they were immature and irresponsible which might lead to changing their
occupation
Use synonyms
 multiple
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. In my opinion, I totally agree that planning ahead of
time
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
important for
every body
Correct your spelling
everybody
show examples
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 not only
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 to accept in
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 position
occupation
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 helps young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 to be ready for any chance they might have. In conclusion, early
Use synonyms
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 for
occupation
Use synonyms
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential for young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 because it assists them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
choice
Replace the word
choosing
show examples
 what suits them and
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
 hard to have
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 for acceptance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic. Include a more direct thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more clearly between paragraphs. Use linking words like 'however' or 'moreover' to improve flow.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, mention a specific job market change.
task response
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the main ideas of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: