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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is believed that practical skills are more respected by employers than theoretical ones. As for me, I strongly support the idea that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of valuing
experience
Use synonyms
 prevail
the
Change preposition
over the
show examples
 drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, entrepreneurs highly prioritize experienced workers because they are considered to have more developed critical thinking. In case of emergency, these people are faster to handle situations and solve problems. They need
fewer efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
less effort
show examples
 to complete their work, as they are able to do it automatically.
For instance
Linking Words
, highly skilled engineers might evade some mistakes in construction
due to
Linking Words
 their
experience
Use synonyms
-based ability to foresee results and eliminate them at the very beginning.
Moreover
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, certain professions place a greater emphasis on soft skills rather than hard skills. In service-oriented industries effective communication with different clients is paramount. In
this
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 case, innate factors,
such
Linking Words
 as emotional intelligence and interpersonal acumen, frequently surpass academic qualifications.
For example
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, event planners have to fully comprehend the customer’s needs and always remain reliable and flexible during the event.
While
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
 is a priority, knowledge is underestimated.
This
Linking Words
 trend results in a decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the value of education. People have lost the purpose of it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it is thought that gaining
experience
Use synonyms
 is more vital.
As a result
Linking Words
, it may considerably jeopardize the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market, as there might not be any competent specialists. In conclusion, I am convinced that having a background may boost the chances of finding a well-paid job, at the same time a balanced approach that appreciates both
experience
Use synonyms
 and knowledge is crucial for the sustained growth and competency of the workforce.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to provide a strong counterargument and explain your position on it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly, like 'however,' 'moreover,' or 'in addition.'
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which is good.
Task Achievement
You provide good examples to support your points, making your argument stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • workplace
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • mentor
  • colleagues
  • innovation
  • stagnation
  • traditional methods
  • recent graduates
  • theoretical knowledge
  • diversity
  • viewpoints
  • proven ability
  • stability
  • industries
  • technology
  • adaptation
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