IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Without a doubt, childhood is a very sensitive stage.
Parents
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 face many difficulties in teaching their kids various skills. Some people argue that the father and mother are responsible for choosing the
activity
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activities
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 of their
children
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.
While
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 others said that, the kids should decide what they do in their leisure day. In my opinion, I think the
parents
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 should choose activities for their babies because they are still very young. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and I will talk about my own view.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 have different personalities and characters. So
parents
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 try to improve them to become successful in future. So families prefer to organize various activities in their free time like drawing, swimming and playing football. I think
itis
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it is
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aparticular
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a particular
 idea because each dad and mom
knows
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know
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 the hobbies of their kids. So they choose
a suitable
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suitable things
a suitable thing
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things
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 for them.
This
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 idea will help them to focus on their ability
instead
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 of watching TV or playing games. All these
things
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 will waste their time.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that
,
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apply
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children
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 should learn to plan for their free time. They should choose any activity they want because
this
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 will make them open-minded, discover new
things
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, and
do
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have
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interesting adventures.
In addition
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, when they have their opinion will be strong in the future. I think,
parents
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 should give their
children
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a
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apply
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small
things
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 like
,
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apply
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 clothes, food and games but do not give them freedom in every decision.
Children
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 do not have enough experience to know their hobbies and skills. So the
parents
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 should direct them to the right way. In conclusion,
Children
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 need a lot of advice and love.
Parents
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 must teach them how they think and make decisions. The good way to teach them is to choose funny activities that help the
children
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 to be healthy like playing sports and using their minds
such
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 as reading, writing stories and solving puzzles.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that links to your argument.
task achievement
You have made a clear argument for your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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