IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is true that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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cities
Use synonyms
 are becoming less pleasant to live over there.
This
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 happens
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of the pollution level, more employment opportunities and of course
the
Correct article usage
apply
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deforestation are the main reasons for that. And these problems can be
sort
Wrong verb form
sorted
show examples
 out by taking effective measures
such
Linking Words
 as introducing
car-pooling
Correct article usage
a car-pooling
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 system, improvements in public
transportation
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 and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals
Use synonyms
 to do more
plantation
Fix the agreement mistake
plantations
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for making
Change preposition
to make
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cities
Use synonyms
more
Change the word
apply
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cleaner. One of the main causes
for
Change preposition
of
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unpleasant
Add an article
the unpleasant
an unpleasant
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environment
Use synonyms
 in
cities
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 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the over usage of public and private
transportation
Use synonyms
 in
cities
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. In
this
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 way,
cities
Use synonyms
 not only become overcrowded and noisy but
also
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 enhance the pollution level as well. Now, more than 70% of
people
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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commuters
of
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in
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 their own vehicles which they use for their personal and professional purposes.
That is
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 the main reason why we see loads of cars,
motorbikes
Correct word choice
and motorbikes
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 on
roads
Use synonyms
 and automatically the harmful pollutants created by it mixed in the
environment
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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got
Wrong verb form
get
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better job opportunities in the
cities
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such
Linking Words
 as Delhi and Mumbai where they can fulfil their desires and lead a luxurious lifestyle when they get a better placement there.
Furthermore
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, deforestation is
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 making
cities
Use synonyms
 less pleasant to live
.
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in.
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 There are many residential
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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, supermarkets and commercial buildings
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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built to give
the
Correct article usage
an
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 attractive look to
cities
Use synonyms
 by cutting
trees
Use synonyms
 and jungles at
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
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 rate.
Consequently
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,
cities
Use synonyms
 will become overcrowded and
people
Use synonyms
 will face
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climate change
such
Linking Words
 as global warming
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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frequent
storm
Fix the agreement mistake
storms
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 and soil erosion if there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no
trees
Use synonyms
. There are some steps which can
be implement
Change the verb form
be implemented
show examples
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
attractive
Correct quantifier usage
more attractive
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 and appealing than earlier. First and foremost is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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to encourage the
individuals
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 towards the car-pooling system where they can share their ride with their colleagues to lessen the cost and traffic on
roads
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.
Also
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, if there is
odd
Correct article usage
an odd
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 even formula as per numerical values
will implement
Wrong verb form
implemented
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then
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 it will be more effective and advantageous for developing
cities
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should take some initiative to create
the
Correct article usage
a
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 safe
environment
Use synonyms
 for
individuals
Use synonyms
 by enacting some stringent rules for them. And
also
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, motivate them to use public
transportation
Use synonyms
 by improving their services as well.
Last
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 but not least,
people
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 should take some tiny steps and
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
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their
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in their
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 neighbourhood to be a part of it.
For instance
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, they can make
a smaller groups
Correct the article-noun agreement
a smaller group
smaller groups
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 to plant some
trees
Use synonyms
 on the
roads
Use synonyms
 and
watering
Change the form of the verb
water
show examples
 them on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis. It will help to change the
environment
Use synonyms
 and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 more greener and fresher to live over there.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 are getting more clamorous as compared to the past decades because of the higher pollution, better opportunities than rural areas and the
disforestration
Correct your spelling
deforestation
 on peak levels etcetera. These problems can
be mitigate
Change the verb form
be mitigated
show examples
 by
awaring
Correct your spelling
awareness
 and educating
individuals
Use synonyms
 about
car-sharing
Add an article
the car-sharing
show examples
 system, incessant public
transportation
Use synonyms
 and more
trees
Use synonyms
 on
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides of
roads
Use synonyms
 will help the
cities
Use synonyms
 to turn
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
greener.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly outline the causes and solutions to make it stronger. Try to have a clear thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to show what the paragraph is about. This helps the reader follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Make sure to use correct word forms and check your spelling as it can affect understanding.
task achievement
You have identified clear causes and solutions for your topic.
task achievement
Your essay includes some good ideas about car pooling and tree planting.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pollution
  • traffic
  • crowding
  • stress
  • housing
  • quality
  • living areas
  • green spaces
  • crime
  • social issues
  • transportation
  • commuters
  • noise
  • comfortable
  • residents
What to do next:
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