IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays people
share
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 their private
details
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 to maintain activities
for instance
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intract
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interact
 in social media or financial needs. In my point of view, it's not intelligent to put personal
details
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 on the social web,
otherwise
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, it can cause some problems. In
this
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 essay, I will include more
information
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 about the topic. On the one hand, I Would say that it's convenient to put your data once, rather than fill
again
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it again
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 and again. It could possibly save you some time.
Furthermore
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, sometimes you need to send your relatives some
details
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 of your location or address
,
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apply
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 because you don't want to waste your time explaining where is your place or hood. As we live in modern life it's safe to
share
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 your own
information
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,
also
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 people need to verificate your passwords to get some
details
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 of your bank account.
On the other hand
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, it's been known that
scammers
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 can get easily your private
information
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 by getting just your name and address.
Moreover
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, they can
also
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 manipulate your relative to get from their some cash. In the
21st century
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21st-century
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internet
scammers
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 have by 50
proccent
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per cent
lead
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led
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 to some worldwide problems. In recent years crypto
scammers
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 become very popular internet
scammers
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. The reason is that owners of
a
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apply
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crypto wallets
share
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 their own
details
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to
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with
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scammers
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, and theft pretends to some crypto market worker
then
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 get
details
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 of the wallet and easily get his currency,
thats
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That
 why I agree with the negative effect of sharing your
details
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.As social
netweb
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networks
 become more popular
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then
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than
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 ever, we have some celebrities who are hated by
public
Add an article
the public
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 and it can cause some issues
with
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in
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celebrities
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celebrities'
celebrity's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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for instance
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 celebrities could possibly stalked by
theirs
Correct the word
their
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 haters and even they may hurt them or cause some problems. In summary, I would agree with
point
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the point
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 that it's not smart to
share
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with
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apply
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your
details
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 , especially credit card
information
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.
However
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, it can possibly be positive for some reason but I'm standing
with
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by
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 my point that it's even very dangerous to put or give
details
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 on networks.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion. Each part of your essay should clearly support your main ideas.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to back up your points. This will make your writing stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and spelling throughout your essay. This will help your ideas be clearer.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provided reasons for your opinion, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal information
  • Online privacy
  • Security concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Enhanced connectivity
  • Convenient access
  • Social networks
  • Banking purposes
  • Positive development
  • Negative impact
What to do next:
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