IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programs should aim to educate we were’s about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the present age, television has been a great way for many
people
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 to become popular. Some
people
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 think that it has a positive impact on the lifestyle of their
lives
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.
While
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 others disagree with that and believe it can help to affect their
lives
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 negatively. In my opinion, I reckon that the
Internet
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 can be a useful tool to change the
lives
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 of different
people
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 to become famous and popular. My points of view will be presented in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 in the modern age occupy a huge space in everyone's life and many of them
use
Wrong verb form
are used
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere and
in
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at
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 any time and some of them believe that they can not live without them.
Moreover
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, these may
gives
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give
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 some a chance to be seen
in
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on
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 the screens of many
people
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 which could help them to be noticed and figured out.
For instance
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, new artists present their artifacts on the
internet
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 trying to make the art gallery owners
to
Change the verb form
apply
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see their work and help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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get jobs that
could
Verb problem
apply
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a well paid.
On the other hand
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, another benefit of being famous
in
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on
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 the
internet
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 and TV is getting an audience which can tell them that they are being loved by a huge number of
people
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 around the world which can help them to be well known and discovered by everyone which may be anything they present or say could have the impact of many
people
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 on their
lives
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.
For instance
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, some famous
people
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 tell their fans
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
about a great book that can develop their thinking. In conclusion, I believe that the
Internet
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 can help a person to be famous and
this
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 is a positive thing in his life
such
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 as getting an audience and can help to get a job or money through different platforms and I believe that the benefits can outweigh the negative side of being famous.

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task achievement
Make sure to directly address the question about whether TV should educate about social issues.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the links between your ideas to create a smoother flow in your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples related to social issues to support your points more clearly.
positive
You provided a clear opinion in the introduction.
positive
You used some relevant examples to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mass media influence
  • public awareness
  • social responsibility
  • balanced approach
  • target audience
  • engaging content
  • viewer preferences
  • subtle integration
  • misinterpretation
  • oversimplification
  • entertainment value
  • viewership
  • educational content
  • diverse audience
  • social messages
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