IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. Do you agree or disagree?

There exists
widely-large
Correct word choice
a large
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 perspective that
music
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in uniting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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various
race
Fix the agreement mistake
races
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 of people and ages. I entirely agree and I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most time
music
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,
however
Linking Words
,
utilizes
Wrong verb form
is utilised
show examples
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment, it would be the symbol of nations, indicating
history
Add an article
a history
the history
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 of a nation in a clear way. Proponents of the proposal cite a collection of reasons. To embark,
music
Use synonyms
 is a purely abstract art form devoid of
language
Use synonyms
 or explicit
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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. And yet, even though
music
Use synonyms
 says little it still manages to touch us deeply,
rhythm
Add an article
the rhythm
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 of which
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a crucial role in absorbing people to itself
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 unconsciously impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nerve cells. To be more precise, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
common conceptions, individuals delight
from
Change preposition
in
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 listening to
music
Use synonyms
 even if they do not know
Use synonyms
language
Add an article
the language
show examples
 of it. As an example, in a study by Tabriz University, scientists have noticed that the rhythm of
music
Use synonyms
 paves the way
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 emotional connection between individuals with various
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, the rhythm of
music
Use synonyms
 is a crucial section, facilitating communication among nations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
music
Change noun form
music's
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 historical role in
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
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 identity
countries
Change preposition
of countries
show examples
 brings about an
incredibly
Change the adverb
incredible
show examples
 passion among
archaeologist
Fix the agreement mistake
archaeologists
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 in order to find interactions betwixt ancestors. Archaeologists cite that
music
Use synonyms
 has been acting as a steady basis in traditional ceremonies, some of which are common
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 various nationals. As an example, Azeri
music
Use synonyms
 as a traditional background promotes association between ages and nationals
such
Linking Words
 as Iran,
Azerbaijan
Correct word choice
and Azerbaijan
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the history of
music
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 adds to
recognize
Wrong verb form
recognising
show examples
 our original generation and common ground
coincide
Change the verb form
coincides
show examples
 with other civilizations.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
music
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 is
common
Add an article
a common
the common
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language
Use synonyms
, gathering side by side people with different ages and thoughts.
music
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,
however
Linking Words
,
don’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
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 need any particular
language
Use synonyms
,
history
Correct article usage
the history
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 of which
partly
Add a missing verb
is partly
show examples
 responsible for
sincerely
Replace the word
sincerity
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 and unity among societies.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. Consider rewriting it to clearly express your agreement.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use shorter sentences for better clarity. This will help your ideas be understood more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to make your points clearer and help your essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and punctuation mistakes, which can confuse readers. Proofreading your essay can help with this.
task achievement
You have provided a good main idea that music brings people together.
task achievement
You included an example from a study, which helps support your point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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