IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Recently, there are developing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 that
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
fordifferent
Correct your spelling
for different
different
 fields. Some individuals claim that spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing
technology
Use synonyms
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to
Correct your spelling
explore
expore
Correct your spelling
explore
space
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial that spend it
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other things.
Although
Linking Words
 it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
favourable to spend
money
Use synonyms
 to explore
space
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
dose
Correct your spelling
does
show examples
 not mean spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other things is not helpful. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, most countries spend their
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 discovering
Space
Use synonyms
 for several reasons. To
begins
Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
show examples
, it
Change preposition
with, it
show examples
 is
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for learning
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 because
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 will spend
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 to assist individuals
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 and living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 compared to Earth.
For example
Linking Words
, In
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
state
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
, the government
Use synonyms
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 financially to understand
space
Use synonyms
 nature by travelling to
space
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, developing in
Use synonyms
space related
Add a hyphen
space-related
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 helps boost
other
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
innovation
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other fields because if
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
Use synonyms
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 scientists
to explore
Change the verb form
exploring
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encourage others to innovate and create unique ideas to help their
country
Use synonyms
 and the whole world .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other countries favour
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 their
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 more essential Sectors.
First,
Linking Words
they
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
 rather than
space
Use synonyms
 exploration because if they educate their citizens they will grow not only in
Correct article usage
the economical
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 aspect but
also
Linking Words
 in
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
 aspect.
For example
Linking Words
, most of
Chinese
Add an article
the Chinese
show examples
 populations are educated which helps the community and
country
Use synonyms
 in different aspects.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
health care is
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
, since they can increase the life
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 of their citizens by providing better
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and technologies to
support
Use synonyms
 their diagnosis and treatment. From my own
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I totally agree that financial
support
Use synonyms
 is necessary for other aspects than spending it
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 exploration because it will affect
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
country
Use synonyms
 in
positive
Change the article
a positive
show examples
 way. In conclusion, there are many advantages of
space
Use synonyms
 exploration,
however
Linking Words
 spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health and education, and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 in different ways is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 and more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
. I hope all governments
support
Use synonyms
 their population in many aspects and do not ignore learning about
space
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. This helps the reader understand your position right away.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, making your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Use clearer examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing education, you could mention specific programs or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling carefully. This will make your writing more professional and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Always have a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task response.
task achievement
You include examples to support your ideas, which adds to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • justified expenditure
  • technological advances
  • earthly concerns
  • telecommunications
  • environmental conservation
  • inspire innovation
  • diplomatic relationships
  • peaceful cooperation
  • long-term survival
  • colonization
  • commercial ventures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: