IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Recently, there are developing
of
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apply
show examples
technology
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 that
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
fordifferent
Correct your spelling
for different
different
 fields. Some individuals claim that spending
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing
technology
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help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to
Correct your spelling
explore
expore
Correct your spelling
explore
space
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 is more beneficial that spend it
in
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on
show examples
 other things.
Although
Linking Words
 it is
a
Change the article
apply
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favourable to spend
money
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 to explore
space
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this
Linking Words
dose
Correct your spelling
does
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 not mean spending
money
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for
Change preposition
on
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 other things is not helpful. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, most countries spend their
money
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for
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on
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 discovering
Space
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 for several reasons. To
begins
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begin
show examples
, it
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with, it
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 is
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for learning
purpose
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purposes
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 because
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country
Add an article
the country
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 will spend
money
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for
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on
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technology
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 to assist individuals
to learn
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in learning
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 about
the
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apply
show examples
space
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 and living in
the
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apply
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space
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 compared to Earth.
For example
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, In
United
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the United
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state
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States
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, the government
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support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
scientist
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scientists
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 financially to understand
space
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 nature by travelling to
space
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, developing in
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space related
Add a hyphen
space-related
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technology
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 helps boost
other
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apply
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innovation
for
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in
show examples
 other fields because if
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country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
Use synonyms
support
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supports
show examples
 scientists
to explore
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exploring
show examples
space
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 they
do
Verb problem
apply
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encourage others to innovate and create unique ideas to help their
country
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 and the whole world .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other countries favour
to spend
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spending
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 their
money
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in
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on
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 more essential Sectors.
First,
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they
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
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concerned
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 about
Correct your spelling
education
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eduction
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education
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 rather than
space
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 exploration because if they educate their citizens they will grow not only in
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the economical
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economical
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economic
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 aspect but
also
Linking Words
 in
social
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the social
a social
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 aspect.
For example
Linking Words
, most of
Chinese
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the Chinese
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 populations are educated which helps the community and
country
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 in different aspects.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending
money
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in
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on
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a
Remove the article
apply
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health care is
benefited
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beneficial
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, since they can increase the life
expectation
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expectations
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 of their citizens by providing better
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and technologies to
support
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 their diagnosis and treatment. From my own
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I totally agree that financial
support
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 is necessary for other aspects than spending it
for
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on
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 exploration because it will affect
in
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apply
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the
country
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 in
positive
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a positive
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 way. In conclusion, there are many advantages of
space
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 exploration,
however
Linking Words
 spending
money
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for
Change preposition
on
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 health and education, and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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 in different ways is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 and more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
. I hope all governments
support
Use synonyms
 their population in many aspects and do not ignore learning about
space
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.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. This helps the reader understand your position right away.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, making your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Use clearer examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing education, you could mention specific programs or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling carefully. This will make your writing more professional and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Always have a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task response.
task achievement
You include examples to support your ideas, which adds to your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • justified expenditure
  • technological advances
  • earthly concerns
  • telecommunications
  • environmental conservation
  • inspire innovation
  • diplomatic relationships
  • peaceful cooperation
  • long-term survival
  • colonization
  • commercial ventures
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