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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. Akerke

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. Akerke
The table illustrates the data about
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 owners using diverse mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 features from 2006 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that there was a significant
develop
Replace the word
development
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 in the proportion of making calls,taking photos,and
send
Wrong verb form
sending
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 or
receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 text
messaged
Replace the word
messages
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whereas
Linking Words
 the number of people who
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 games with their
phone
Use synonyms
,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 internet explorer,and play video or listen to music experienced a downward trend over the given span. As long as we can see, 100 per cent of communities
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 their
phone
Use synonyms
 to make a call from 2006 to 2008, but it decreased slightly to 99 % in 2010. Meanwhile, taking photos and
sendings
Correct your spelling
sending
show examples
also
Linking Words
 receiving text messages followed an upward trend by obtaining over seventy
procent
Correct your spelling
per cent
,respectively and
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 one
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased to 76 % from 66% in 2006 and 71% in 2006. The percentage of people who
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 music and games both represented over ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2006,
then
Linking Words
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased to 42%-18%,after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they got 41%-26%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
In addition
Linking Words
,there was
a information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
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 about the
per cent
Correct your spelling
percentage
show examples
 of searching the internet and recording
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 at the beginning of the time.Despite of,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
 both aspects were slowly decreased by humans from 41%- 9% to 73%-35% in turn in 2010.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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