In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair as parents feel under pressure to buy these kinds of this for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

some countries
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
increas
Correct your spelling
increased
in
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
to sell toys , snacks or other good things
thar
Correct your spelling
that
kids
Use synonyms
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
to push parents to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
them. In some cases
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
good that
kids
Use synonyms
show
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their interest
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
in something that
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
personality 
Parent
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents
show examples
can help
kids
Use synonyms
do some work to gain
indepensent
Correct your spelling
independence
and learn responsibility to not
realy
Correct your spelling
rely
on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
only and
leaern
Correct your spelling
learn
how to earn money in any possible way.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
some
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
Correct your spelling
can't
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
afford these things to
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children which is not fair and some
kids
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
understand that it
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
show examples
for some of them to get it
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
are good to
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
Correct your spelling
kids
kide
Correct your spelling
children
be independent but it is not fair for hoes
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
can not afford it

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task achievement
Make sure to introduce your main idea clearly in the introduction.
task achievement
Add examples to support your points.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence
Recheck your grammar and spelling.
task achievement
You present an interesting point about kids learning independence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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