IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to imporse a higher tax on this kind of food. TO what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In today’s rapidly changing world, many topics continue to spark debate among individuals and policymakers alike. One
such
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 issue is the fast
food
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 attracted differing opinions.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should apply higher
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
, others argue that no need to add any
tax
Use synonyms
 for
this
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kind
Use synonyms
 of
food
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. In
thoes
Correct your spelling
those
 days,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
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came
Verb problem
became
show examples
 common and
wildspread
Correct your spelling
spread
 unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
.
First,
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the
people
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 focus on the taste
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 on the healthy components.
Second,
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the fast
food
Use synonyms
sourses
Correct your spelling
sources
 are not known
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, some employees who work in
restrants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 are not eating from them.
Also
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, the chickens
refer
Wrong verb form
referred
show examples
 to
some
Change preposition
by some
show examples
 companies are growing with abnormal feeding.
Thus
Linking Words
, the disorders of fast
food
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 cost
governments
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healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 care
servies
Correct your spelling
services
. The
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 damage associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
morbedity
Correct your spelling
morbidity
 and mortality. In 2010, the Global
Health
Use synonyms
Orgnization
Correct your spelling
Organization
annoiance
Correct your spelling
annoyance
 about fast
food
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problems
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 which can lead to
cardicpulmanary
Correct your spelling
cardiopulmonary
 disorders,
severes
Correct your spelling
severe
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kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of cancers, and the over body
wieght
Correct your spelling
weight
.
In addition
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,
people
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 with
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
problems
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 are inpatients
at the end
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 in hospitals. The treatment of
this
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 major disease
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 the
governments
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 a huge amount of money, so
governments
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 need to apply a
tax
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 agonist
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this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
kind
Use synonyms
 of
food
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.
Moreover
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, the
tax
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 can
used
Add a missing verb
be used
show examples
 to treat the cancers or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 some surgical procedures. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are strong arguments on both sides of the issue, I believe that adding a higher
tax
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 will
decreas
Correct your spelling
decrease
 the
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 demand for fast
food
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. It is important to consider both the advantages and disadvantages of each viewpoint, but ultimately, the
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 associated with toxic substances that
include
Wrong verb form
are included
show examples
 in
this
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kind
Use synonyms
 of
food
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 can cause many diseases.
Therefore
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,
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 extensive
tax
Use synonyms
 will solve
this
Linking Words
 issue strongly and
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 the
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction gives a clear overview, but make sure to include a specific thesis statement that shows your stance more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly; use linking words like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' and 'finally' to guide the reader through your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand due to grammar issues. Focus on using simple sentences and checking your grammar.
Task Achievement
Make sure to explain your examples fully so the reader understands how they support your points.
Task Achievement
You have a good understanding of the topic and you present both sides of the argument, which is important in IELTS essays.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points well and clearly presents your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • government intervention
  • taxation
  • healthy eating habits
  • public health initiatives
  • nutritious alternatives
  • affordable food options
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health problems
  • rise in consumption
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