IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some think that government should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that not all retired
people
Use synonyms
 should be supported financially by the government through a certain amount of money .They think that those who receive a good pension or gain enough to live in an
appropiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 and dignitous way don't deserve to receive
financies
Correct your spelling
finances
 from the State. Support for retired
people
Use synonyms
 who have contributed to society through work and taxes.So
it is clear that
Linking Words
receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 financial help is a right for their years of service.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that the government is unable to spend lots of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 retired
people
Use synonyms
 through
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
 and
for example
Linking Words
 healthcare costs,because it already
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to carry
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an enormous quantity of
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 like education and safety . In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 government should support
pensionate
Correct your spelling
pensioners
 financially because they need
hepl
Correct your spelling
help
 to cover health costs and to live life with dignity and
confort
Correct your spelling
comfort
.

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task achievement
Try to include more examples or reasons to support your main points. This will make your essay stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize your ideas more clearly. Use clear paragraphs for each view and your opinion at the end.
grammar and vocabulary
Check your grammar and spelling. Some words are misspelled like 'appropiate' and 'dignitous'.
good structure
You clearly stated your opinion at the end, which is good for the essay structure.
balanced view
You addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • support
  • retired
  • financially
  • believe
  • take care
  • comfortably
  • dignity
  • savings
  • needs
  • food
  • housing
  • contributed
  • society
  • work
  • taxes
  • right
  • healthcare
  • costs
  • high
  • medical
  • manage
  • finances
  • planning
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • prepare
  • retirement
  • pension
  • help
  • care
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