IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries ordinary citizens are allowed to keep a gun in their homes. Some people think this is a good idea, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are allowed to retain a
weapon
Use synonyms
 at their residence . Some masses believe that it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
 majestic way to protect themselves from convoluted situations
however
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is not a good idea to keep a
gun
Use synonyms
 in their homes. I agree with the former notion because it is really crucial for their security purposes. To commence with , I believe that all individuals have a right to keep a
license
Change the verb form
licensed
show examples
gun
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their homes as it will bring a sense of security and they can enjoy their lives without stress . If any burglar
try
Change the verb form
tries
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 to intervene
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their private property
then
Linking Words
 they can use a
weapon
Use synonyms
 to avoid burglary
as a result
Linking Words
, they are able to protect their family members
therefore
Linking Words
, it will be proven as a protective asset.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the law of the USA citizens can use a
gun
Use synonyms
 if someone trespassing
to
Change preposition
on
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 their property.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 have to pass a test before getting
license
Add an article
a license
the license
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 for their own
weapon
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware of the critical steps that how to operate a
gun
Use synonyms
 . In order to save their loved ones unintentionally they can harm them
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of knowledge. Other than that , they have to keep it in the safe and lock it with
secure
Add an article
a secure
the secure
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 password so , children cannot open it . Unfortunately, if in any case , a child
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a
gun
Use synonyms
 in their hands it will
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
Add an article
a devastated
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devastated
Replace the word
devastating
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 impact on their health.
For instance
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,
as per
Change preposition
according to
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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BBC News one brother killed his own sibling
while
Linking Words
 playing with a
gun
Use synonyms
 in 2024.
People
Use synonyms
 should
take
Verb problem
get
show examples
 help from
police
Add an article
the police
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instead
Linking Words
 of jumping
in
Change preposition
into
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 petrified situation.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have
Correct article usage
the privileged
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privileged
Replace the word
privilege
show examples
 to retain a
weapon
Use synonyms
 on one condition that it will be stored
Change preposition
in at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 secure place and
try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 to
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 out of reach of children. They should be more vigilant
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their surroundings so , they can maintain
protective
Correct article usage
a protective
show examples
 environment at their homes.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence
Use simple connections like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to make your points flow better.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are relevant and directly support your points better.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes the key points well and reflects your opinion clearly.
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