IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that healthcare should be free for everyone, while others think individuals should pay for their medical costs. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Modern science and technological advancement blessed
healthcare
Use synonyms
, once lethal diseases are now treatable.
World class
Add a hyphen
World-class
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healthcare
Use synonyms
 is one of
biggest
Correct word choice
apply
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the biggest
victory
Fix the agreement mistake
victories
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 of today’s era but, the question question is should it be free for the public?,or should they pay for it?
This
Linking Words
 essay should throw light on both
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 aspects. To start with,
Use synonyms
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 system is an expensive endeavour. There is
Correct article usage
a set
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set up
Add a hyphen
set-up
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 cost for everything. It requires a large budget to provide facilities and adequate staffing. Not having enough budget leads to compromise in proper
healthcare
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. It is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 fact that almost every hospital in Alberta
have
Change the verb form
has
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shortage
Add an article
a shortage
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 of nurses, most of the nurses are moving to different provinces and facing
burnouts
Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
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. If everyone pays for their own
healthcare
Use synonyms
 the burden on the staff and government will be lesser which will reduce the compromised patient care and increase the efficiency of the system.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is
basic
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a basic
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 necessity and it is inhumane to deny
healthcare
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 to someone based on lack of funds. There are many underprivileged people who need access to
healthcare
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 and won’t make it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if they have to pay for it. Many elderly and foster kids are living healthy lives because of free
healthcare
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 in Canada. Free
healthcare
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 has improved everyone’s life by increasing herd immunity. Free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is needed to improve
nation’s
Correct article usage
the nation’s
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overall
Linking Words
 health. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there is a visible need for free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 it should not push the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 staff towards
burnouts
Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
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 given the risks they work with during their everyday tasks.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should work in collaboration with
public
Add an article
the public
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 to introduce semi
funded
Correct your spelling
semi-funded
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 system, where
patient
Add an article
the patient
show examples
 pays some portion and the other half should be covered by the government.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include clear topic sentences for each paragraph to strengthen the main ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, which will make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases or complications in sentences for better clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument well, showing a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The conclusion provides a thoughtful suggestion for a solution, which is a strong point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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