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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar chart depicts the
portion
Check wording
proportion
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 of
men
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 and
women
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according to
Linking Words
 their
age
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groups
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 who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the share of
men
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 doing exercise was
fewer
Correct word choice
lower
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 than that of
women
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 in each
age
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group
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except
Punctuation problem
, except
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 for 15 to
24 year
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24-year-olds
 old
which
Correct word choice
where
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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figure
Use synonyms
 was
a little
Rephrase
slightly
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more
Correct word choice
higher
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
men
Use synonyms
. The share of
men
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 doing physical activity aged 15 to 24 was a few more than 50%, the highest among all
men
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age
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groups
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.
This
Linking Words
figure
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 was 10% and 14% smaller for
25
Correct article usage
the 25
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 to 34 and 35 to 44
age
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groups
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respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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. The portion of
men
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 exercising was 43% in people aged 45 to 54,
this
Linking Words
figure
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 was 2% and 4%
bigger
Correct word choice
higher
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 for
55
Correct article usage
the 55
show examples
 to 64 and 65 and over
groups
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. The percentage of
women
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 doing physical activity in the first
age
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group
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 was 48% and
this
Linking Words
 share was more or less similar for the next
group
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. The proportion of
women
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 exercising in
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
 to 64
years
Check wording
age
show examples
 old was approximately the same (a little more than 50%).
This
Linking Words
figure
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 for the
last
Linking Words
group
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 was similar to
men
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 in the same
age
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group
Use synonyms
 (almost 45%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, groups, group, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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