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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows how ethanol fuel is produced from corn. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows how ethanol fuel is produced from corn. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
daigram
Correct your spelling
diagram
 displays the process of
manufactoring
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 ethanol fuel in a factory by corn through
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of different techniques .
Overall
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
daigram
Add a comma
daigram,
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 we can see how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
corn is used and undergo different procedures like fermantation ,
purification
Correct word choice
and purification
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 which lasts for 60
hours
Use synonyms
 and
Add a missing verb
is seprated
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seprated
Correct your spelling
separated
 into two different types of matter like
liquied
Correct your spelling
liquid
 and solid
by products
Add a hyphen
by-products
show examples
finally
Linking Words
 producing ethanol fuel for consumption . Here the picture illustrates how corn is stored in a room and
then
Linking Words
 sent to
milling
Correct article usage
a milling
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 area where
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 mixed with water and cooked for 4
hours
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 they keep that mixture to ferment for about 48
hours
Use synonyms
 . fermentation results in two products one in
liquied
Correct your spelling
liquid
 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 in solid form .After the fermentation process , solid and
liquied
Correct your spelling
liquid
 products are
seprated
Correct your spelling
separated
 through
purification
Correct article usage
a purification
show examples
 system which lasts for 5
hours
Use synonyms
 and produces ethanol which is
then
Linking Words
 stored in a room and transported to different locations .

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethanol
  • corn
  • harvesting
  • milling
  • cooking
  • fermentation
  • distillation
  • dehydration
  • enzymes
  • fermentable sugars
  • concentration
  • anhydrous ethanol
  • fuel
  • processed
  • mixture
  • yeast
  • carbon dioxide
  • high temperatures
  • surface area
  • separation
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