IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. Do you agree or disagree? Write an essay (of about 300 words) to state your own opinion

It is a common phrase that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation says to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation that in order to achieve any goals in
life
Use synonyms
 you have to keep trying and not give up.
This
Linking Words
 approach is applicable in all aspects of
life
Use synonyms
 and it does make someone unstoppable when reaching their goals. I agree that trying hard when you really
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 something is an important
life
Use synonyms
 principle. By trying hard it will take you far in and will surely make you achieve your dreams. Instilling
unwavering
Correct article usage
an unwavering
show examples
 attitude at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger age will serve as a compass
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 dealing
challenges
Change preposition
with challenges
show examples
 and
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 that they could face
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
grade
Change preposition
from grade
show examples
 school to high school
then
Linking Words
 transitioning to college is
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
 kind of education system. The preparation during high school is not really enough tools to make it in college. What makes university students keep on
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
track is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trying hard, when things are hard and unknown uni students just keep on trying. Trying hard at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age will strengthen the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
determination
Use synonyms
.
Determination
Use synonyms
 is a collection of hard work, healthy habits,
Correct word choice
and self-descipline
show examples
self-descipline
Correct your spelling
self-discipline
 that no matter what comes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 way nothing
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 stop them
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 doing what they want or need.
For instance
Linking Words
, a college graduate attending their
first ever
Add a hyphen
first-ever
show examples
 interview could be a really scary to start. But being trained at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age t the principle of "give it a try" they will never consider backing out because of the
determination
Use synonyms
 instilled in them that started by trying hard. In conclusion, the principle of keep trying and trying hard are
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 values and
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
show examples
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 surely help
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation in navigating their
life
Use synonyms
. Trying hard will strengthen their
determination
Use synonyms
 and with unwavering
determination
Use synonyms
 it is truly possible to achieve anything.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
The essay has a clear message about the importance of trying hard.
coherence cohesion
The structure is mostly clear, with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Goal-setting
  • Work ethic
  • Ambitious
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Frustration
  • Inadequate
  • Overemphasis
  • Stress
  • Pressure
  • Mental health
  • Resource availability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: