In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?

There are various advantages and disadvantages of giving certain
advice
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to children, especially a piece of
advice
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about trying hard to achieve anything. One of the advantages is to learn a lot of things and strive harder to gain
such
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goals they want to achieve in the future.
For example
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, teaching them how to work harder , especially with their studies, which is one of the most important instruments they can have as they grow older, and a thing that could lead them to
obtaining
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obtain
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a degree or working for the things they want to attain.
While
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in the other hand,
this
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kind of
advice
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makes a child feel more locked up and pressured. They will have a constant mindset of avoiding failures or even making small mistakes. When a child
become
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becomes
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consistent in achieving a perfect image for their parents, once they make a mistake they will feel deep inside them that they didn't do their job correctly and they will think that they are
such
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failures. Needless to say, it is better to stay neutral since
this
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kind of
advice
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might be advantageous or it can be disadvantageous to a young person because children can have different perspectives and it depends on how they view or comprehend
this
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kind of mindset a parents tell them.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the question but lacks depth in exploring both advantages and disadvantages. Consider expanding on each point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage but could be clearer. Try stating the main points you will discuss in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs need clearer topic sentences. Each paragraph should start with a sentence that summarizes the main idea.
task achievement
You made relevant points about the pressure on children. This shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples is good, especially about studies and their importance. It helps support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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