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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. discuss both views and give your opinion

Learning has played crucial roles in
everyones
Change to a genitive case
everyone's
show examples
 life rather
being
Change preposition
than being
show examples
 past or
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
relating to the future.
As
Correct your spelling
A
show examples
 few
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of people consider that history must be taught to newly school goers, as
other opine
Change the wording
another opine
other opines
show examples
 that in current trend they must learn those subject that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 relevant to regular operating days. The upcoming
paragrahs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
 will articulate
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both the stated concerns
inclusice
Correct your spelling
including
 the opinion. The prime reason to consider history must be taught to
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 just because they possess the remark of people, the footprints left behind
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 us
memory
Fix the agreement mistake
memories
show examples
 about those gone days. As every country
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 past track records that
signifies
Change the verb form
signify
show examples
 that dedication to bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peace in reluctant to
those memory
Change the determiner
that memory
those memories
show examples
 they are portrayed in the form of
Correct article usage
a musuem
show examples
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
,
photo
Fix the agreement mistake
photos
show examples
 in the book of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 subject,
as well as
Linking Words
 monuments.
This
Linking Words
 keeps reminding them about the culture they follow,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 might be related to the religious norms, and
that is
Linking Words
 how they have been recognised in terms of
heirarchy
Correct your spelling
hierarchy
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the belief behind learning the specific subjects that will be helpful for regular lifestyle
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is favouring regard to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science and technology. As
these
Change the determiner
this
show examples
 innovation has
took
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 the perception of thinking, working and consuming at
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
show examples
 ease of
task
Add an article
the task
show examples
. As majority
those
Change preposition
of those
show examples
 who
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
this
Linking Words
 specific thought are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who are
caretaker
Fix the agreement mistake
caretakers
show examples
 and
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
corporates
Replace the word
corporations
show examples
. They strictly believe that their future generation should not
get
Verb problem
face
show examples
 those
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
 that they have faced.
For example
Linking Words
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these new gadgets
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 replaced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books with
e-learing
Correct your spelling
e-learning
 displays
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
showcasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flexibility in various aspects.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
histroy
Correct your spelling
history
 is
utmost
Change preposition
of utmost
show examples
 important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new learners in order to learn, think and
revolutionoze
Correct your spelling
revolutionize
revolutionized
 by
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 in terms of moral values that they can learn. Various areas of history can curve their niche towards holding outstanding
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 in society.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument and your opinion. Use simpler sentences to express your ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help the essay flow smoothly.
task achievement
Provide examples to support your points and make them stronger. This will help in scoring higher in the task achievement criterion.
task achievement
You have mentioned both views on the topic quite well.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic, showing you understand the main points being discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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