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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

This
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 essay argues that many
people
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 assume that modern
technology
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 it is helps
people
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 to be close to each other but another says
that is
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 why we are so far apart. I believe that it helps us to be closer and easy to communicate. On the one hand, some individuals say the advanced
technology
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 is why we are so far apart, maybe they feel it is difficult to ask other
people
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 about how they are or they prefer to see them face to face rather than talk to them on a mobile phone.
Also
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, other
people
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 use advanced
technology
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 in the wrong
way
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,
for instance
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, they play video games all the time and their
families
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 they angry about that, which will result in being far apart from their
families
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. I disagree with
this
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way
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, because many
people
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 they suffering from the same issue, I advise
families
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 to try to set limits on the time to play video games with their children.
On the other hand
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, many individuals find modern
technology
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 easy to communicate with other
people
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.
Also
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, helps them to be closer to each other.
for example
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, advanced
technology
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 helps students to talk with their
families
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 when they travel to another country to study, I believe new
technology
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 helps us in many ways not just in communication and I agree to use it in a useful
way
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. In conclusion, with new
technology
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, there are cons and pros and I believe the benefits more than drawbacks, I agree with
this
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 because we can be closer to our
families
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 or friends in an easy
way
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.

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task achievement
Try to have a clear introduction with a thesis statement that shows your opinion clearly. Each paragraph should help support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help with the flow of your essay and make it easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are hard to understand and can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about technology bringing people together, which is good for the task.
task achievement
Some examples give insight into how technology affects relationships, which is relevant to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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