Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, some

perants

Correct your spelling

parents

think that

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

online

games

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

benefit

Replace the word

beneficial

show examples

others

Correct word choice

while others

show examples

thought

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

that

are

Change the verb form

show examples

harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

children. I totally disagree

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

with this

show examples

point of view. In

this

Linking Words

essay, the

tow

Correct your spelling

two

show examples

point

Fix the agreement mistake

points

show examples

of view will be argued.

Firstly

Linking Words

, I believe that playing

games

Use synonyms

is a double-edged sword.

However

Linking Words

, the disadvantages of it are more than the advantages. If the child is playing on a PC, they will lose time and damage

eyes

Correct pronoun usage

their eyes

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, in 2024, their analysis was done on students at Kuwait University about the number of children who waste time

Change preposition

show examples

computer

games

Use synonyms

, they

figure

Wrong verb form

figured

show examples

out there are increase

Change preposition

show examples

numbers during the

last

Linking Words

decade.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the benefit of playing PlayStation,

while

Linking Words

they play, they will improve their social relationship. The online relationship is essential for physical, financial,

education

Replace the word

educational

show examples

and psychological.

Fistly

Correct your spelling

Firstly

Change preposition

apply

show examples

physical

Change the word

physically

show examples

, if the player

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

games

Use synonyms

, they will have a

thinkfull

Correct your spelling

thankful

Secondly

Linking Words

, in

financial

Replace the word

finance

show examples

, they can apply to

increased

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

the money.

Thirdly

Linking Words

, in education, they can level up

the

Change the word

their

show examples

knowledge.

Finally

Linking Words

, in

psychological

Replace the word

psychology

show examples

, they could have good mode. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

the players lose time, they accept new things. We need more information about

this

Linking Words

essay to improve our society.

samoy.95

Jun 26, 2025

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task achievement

Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. For example, say "I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages" outright.

coherence and cohesion

Use clear paragraphs for each main idea. Start paragraphs with a topic sentence, then explain and give examples.

task achievement

Provide clear examples and evidence for your points. Instead of stating a study, you could summarize it more clearly, such as saying "A study in 2024 found that many students spend too much time on games, affecting their studies."

coherence and cohesion

Be careful with grammar and spelling. Words like 'parents' and 'benefit' need to be spelled correctly. Also, practice using complete sentences.

task achievement

You covered both sides of the argument, which shows you understand the topic.

task achievement

You attempted to provide examples to support your ideas, which is a good practice in writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

194 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
critical thinking
hand-eye coordination
reflexes
teamwork
communication skills
multiplayer
cooperative games
addiction
prolonged screen time
inappropriate content
online predators
aggressive behavior
violent games
physical activities
face-to-face interactions

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Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing taffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree. What measure do you think might be effective.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some cities ban private cars from entering the center and force people to use bicycles and buses. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?