IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortages of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that sometimes
people
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 might face difficult situations in
life
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 that are hard to change.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that accepting undesired
issues
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 can sometimes be
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 approach, there is
also
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 an argument that trying to improve
such
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 situations can have significant enhancements in
people
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's lives.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, accepting
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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certain conditions in
life
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 can improve mental health and
overall
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 health
issues
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.
In other words
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, some
people
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 suffer from uncontrolled
life
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 circumstances facing problems with acceptance can lead to serious health
issues
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, so it is better to accept rather than fight it.
For example
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, one of my relatives is dealing with serious heart
issues
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, he was told by the doctors not to take any tension about
life
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 difficulties as it may lead to a heart attack.
On the other hand
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, supporters of the second argument think that individuals should pay attention to improving their
life
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 standards
,
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apply
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 Because
life
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 is a journey of fulfilment.
Moreover
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, the development of new skills can widen a great amount of opportunities.
In addition
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,
people
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 who intend to break their comfort zone often succeed in their different aspects of
life
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 dramatically
Due to
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this
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, we should not allow hardships to shape our future
instead
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 we should crave to change the hard situations. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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,
i
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I
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 tend to believe that looking forward to improving ourselves and creating new opportunities is crucial and it should be our main goal in
life
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, but try to make your thesis statement more specific about your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument. Ensure all points are well-supported with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Work on proper punctuation, especially comma usage. Reduce run-on sentences for clearer understanding.
task achievement
You have made good points for both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pragmatic approach
  • mental peace
  • stoic attitude
  • proactive measures
  • personal growth
  • financial management
  • sense of accomplishment
  • resignation
  • helplessness
  • stress and burnout
  • fatalism
  • collective well-being
  • self-determination
What to do next:
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