IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

Many
people
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 move to big
cities
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 because they want to pursue their degrees or are looking for job opportunities. But sometimes living in capital
cities
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 can present several challenges in living costs and lifestyles.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine some of the problems of living in a big
city
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 and provide some solutions that
governments
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 can implement.
Although
Linking Words
 new places offer opportunities and improve our lives, living there can be very hard because of the high cost of living and cultural differences. Living costs vary among
cities
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, but we all agree that living in a capital
city
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 costs more than a village.
For instance
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, the price at a local market is always lower than
a
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at a
show examples
mall in a big
city
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. Another reason is
prevalence
Add an article
the prevalence
a prevalence
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 of dangerous places. As
people
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's living expenses increase, the pressure they feel tends to rise.
This
Linking Words
 means that
people
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 who are living in capital
cities
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 are more
arogant
Correct your spelling
arrogant
 and selfish. It is common to see individuals do not care for each other when you are walking
arround
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around
 in a
city
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. They are often unwilling to help others because they are being
carefull
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careful
.
This
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 is because of the increase in crime.
This
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 will be a significant issue for a person used to helping others in their hometown
,
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apply
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 because it
represent
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represents
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 a change in the likelihood of crime. a solution to these issues is
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governments
Change preposition
for governments
show examples
 to improve the public facilities for long-term immigrants.
For example
Linking Words
, authorities can reduce the prices of
busses
Correct your spelling
buses
show examples
 or trains and food for students who move to the
cities
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.
Governments
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also
Linking Words
 can build parks in the local areas, plant trees, and manage the garbage to provide a convenient environment where local
people
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 can reduce their stress or socialize with friends. Regarding
to protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
 the
people
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,
governments
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 can add more guard posts in areas with high crime rates, or install CCTV and streetlights in dark areas to deter criminal activities. Big
cities
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 offer many opportunities to achieve career goals or a better life, but it is wise to consider the challenges or issues that we will face in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 have a duty to care for their citizens and improve their living standards.

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coherence and cohesion
Your main points should be clearer and more organized. Try to use paragraphs for each main idea and create easy connections between them.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and details to support your ideas. This will help make your points stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You introduced the topic well and stated the problems clearly. Your essay has a good intention of providing solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolis
  • Rapid urban growth
  • Megacity
  • Urban sprawl
  • Housing affordability
  • Infrastructure development
  • Public transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Noise pollution
  • Green spaces
  • Job market
  • Social cohesion
  • Community engagement
  • Safety measures
  • Crime prevention
What to do next:
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