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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The follawing bar charts shows the different modes transport used to travel to and from work in one Europian city in 1960 , 1980 and 2000

The follawing bar charts shows the different modes transport used to travel to and from work in one Europian city in 1960 , 1980 and 2000
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the number of international graduates from UK universities in 2000 and 2015. Most
noticeably
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noticeable
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 of all, it can be seen that the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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2000 was the highest figure for graduation in Cambridge,
while
Linking Words
 the period of 2015 was the greatest number in Oxford.
Moreover
Linking Words
, London was the lowest point for the time of 2000,
whereas
Linking Words
 Bristol was the smallest figure for
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
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 of 2015. Beginning with Cardiff, the 2000 accounted for 10%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure for the 2015 was
sligltly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 higher at 14%. The second worth pointing out is that a
smilar
Correct your spelling
similar
 trend can be
obeserved
Correct your spelling
observed
 in 2000 and 2015 in Bristol. Turning to Bath, it can be seen that the same times accounted for 7% and 12%, respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, a significant difference can be observed in the figures for graduation rates of abroad students in Oxford. The
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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2000 was at 14% as opposed to the time 2015, which was more by 25%.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the graduations
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graduations
Change the noun form
graduation
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 rates of international students in 2015 were higher than
the
Change preposition
in the
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year
Use synonyms
of
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apply
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2000 in whole regions.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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