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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
illustrates the 3
level
Change to a plural noun
levels
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
girls
Use synonyms
 enrolled in school per 100 boys from 1990 to 1998 .
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 shows
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
 it decreased in developing
countries
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 was only
minimal
Correct article usage
a minimal
show examples
 difference in enrollment during primary
education
Use synonyms
 . In developed
countries
Use synonyms
 , the number of
enrollement
Correct your spelling
enrollment
enrollments
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 in different
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
 increased moderately from around 95 to reaching 100 during secondary
education
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
 crossing the target of 100 during their tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , developing
countries
Use synonyms
 showed
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
show examples
 decline in enrollment of
girls
Use synonyms
 from primary to tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 . During
admission
Add a comma
admission,
show examples
 it was around 83 which steeply declined to around 70 in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
seconday
Correct your spelling
secondary
 school and
finally
Linking Words
dropping
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 sharply to 65 during tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, girls, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • number
  • girls
  • boys
  • enrolled
  • education
  • primary
  • secondary
  • higher
  • ratio
  • indicate
  • barriers
  • accessible
  • significant
  • decline
  • pursuing
  • features
  • comparisons
  • gender
  • equality
  • societal
  • norms
  • progress
  • issues
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