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Writing Samples
Band 5

These days people are using the Internet for shopping, work and to communicate with others without the need for face-to-face meetings. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

In the emerging era, the internet is helping
people
Use synonyms
 reduce their efforts, save time and
is connecting
Wrong verb form
connect
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people
Use synonyms
 all over the
global
Replace the word
globe
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.
This
Linking Words
 has resulted
to
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in
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 it
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
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, it is ending in-person collaborations and
hence
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, is beneficial or not. Though it is
undenaible
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 that it may have minor negatives, but benefits definitely outweigh those.
To begin
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 with, the flexibility and accessibility of diverse products from all over the globe
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 changed the way
people
Use synonyms
 purchase, communicate or even work.
For instance
Linking Words
, apps like
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
 and
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
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 have given
people
Use synonyms
 real-time interactions either with their family or stakeholders, diminishing geographical barriers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the wide variety of products which an individual can purchase online by comparing
according to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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quality and budget is vast, enhancing consumer experiences.
The critics
Correct article usage
Critics
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 may argue that the reduction of in-person interaction has caused various health problems both mental and physical.
For example
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,
due to
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sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle
people
Use synonyms
 stay at home,
scroll
Wrong verb form
scrolling
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 through mobiles, laptops etc which has
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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affect
Correct your spelling
effect
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over
Change preposition
on
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 their health and has resulted
to
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in
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 issues
such
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 as obesity.
Similarly
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, limited social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 resulted in isolation and depression.
On the other hand
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, these problems can be easily tackled by regular exercise, encouraging outings and face-to-face meetings with both family and friends. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages
such
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 as flexibility, availability of
vast
Add an article
a vast
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 range of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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products and applications, removing long-distance barriers
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
overcoming the
disdavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
with
Change preposition
of
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 daily out-door
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 and increasing social interactions, the positives definitely
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the negatives. By maintaining a balance between both we can have a developed and healthy society as a whole.

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coherence
Try to create a clearer structure by dividing your ideas into more distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task response
You present a clear opinion that advantages outweigh disadvantages, which is important for task achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • Internet
  • shopping
  • work
  • communicate
  • face-to-face
  • meeting
  • convenience
  • opportunity
  • flexibility
  • productivity
  • connect
  • improve
  • relationship
  • impulse buying
  • problems
  • isolation
  • loneliness
  • team spirit
  • screen time
  • health
  • stress
  • eye strain
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