IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many countries in the world are experiencing a higher unemployment rate.
For
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this
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 reason, a large number of
people
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 estimate that the need for higher
education
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 after the primary level is unnecessary. In
this
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 essay, I will illustrate some compelling reasons that will show why higher
education
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 is vital for social development and personal
growth
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.
Firstly
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, some young
people
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 are forced to join the workforce and start earning to contribute to the family
due to
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 poverty.
As a result
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, most of those youngsters are unable to continue their
education
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 despite their willingness.
Furthermore
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,
education
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 requires a substantial amount of money, which is troublesome for some
people
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 to afford.
For example
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, public universities in North America charge more than ten thousand USD per year for tuition and other fees, which hinders many middle-income families from pursuing their higher
education
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 goals. Surprisingly, the cause itself has its own solution. To overcome financial instability and unemployment,
education
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 plays a significant role in helping individuals improve their skills, which can potentially eradicate financial insecurity.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university graduates in the USA uplifted the fallen economy by expanding industries and reconstructing sustainable economic
growth
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. So
it is clear that
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 educated
people
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 are flexible to adjust to the situation and strive for excellence. Highly educated individuals not only bring prosperity to their own families but
also
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 foster economic
growth
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 by lowering employment difficulty. In conclusion, even though beginning to work at a young age may assist families in overcoming financial obstacles, higher
education
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 outweighs the advantages in a number of areas,
such
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 as improved employment possibilities, higher income, and personal
growth
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. The
overall
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 likelihood of finding employment right after graduation can be increased by combining
education
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 with specialized certification and vocational training.

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task achievement
The introduction is clear and presents the main ideas. However, you should also mention what your main points will be in the introduction.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and includes supporting details. Some points are good but need more examples or clearer links to the main argument.
task achievement
The examples you provide are relevant, but adding more specific data or personal experience could strengthen your points.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your argument.
task achievement
Your essay discusses important aspects of education and unemployment, demonstrating thoughtful engagement with the topic.
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