IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Cultural tourism, in which people travel in order to visit museums, monuments and archaeological sites among other things, is a growing industry. Having so many visitors may sometimes benefit a nation's cultural heritage, but it can also cause problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

First of all,I do agree with the statement
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 could cause problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 they visit.
However
Linking Words
,even though I support the idea of limiting tourists to reduce the damage that might be done by
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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,We can't deny the benefits they bring to the
country
Use synonyms
's economy.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
There's
Wrong verb form
There are
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 a lot of people who represent a good example of a person who respects other cultures and values they come across after they visit a particular
country
Use synonyms
 they've got in mind
in
Change preposition
for
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 a long time.
Individulas
Correct your spelling
Individuals
 from a specific
country
Use synonyms
 can be judged by one individual
actions
Change to a singular noun
action
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,Which only shows how
ignorance
Replace the word
ignorant
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 people can be by generalising and judging a whole group of people by one
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the problems caused by tourists can't be ignored,
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
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 it will only make the citizens angrier and overwhelmed,Which will lower the trust between the public and their government.
Tourism
Use synonyms
 is a huge part of the economy of each
country
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 earth.To avoid conflicts between individuals and their
governmet
Correct your spelling
government
 can be solved by enforcing strict laws
restrict
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and
force
Wrong verb form
forcing
show examples
 tourists to behave more
mature
Change the word
maturely
show examples
 and respect the values
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 face for the first time they see in the
country
Use synonyms
 they travel to.
To conclude
Linking Words
,I do believe
tourism
Use synonyms
 is pretty much harmful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 values and culture,
Linking Words
However
Add the comma(s)
However,
show examples
 no
country
Use synonyms
 can live without
tourism
Use synonyms
 money,Especially there's a lot of countries depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 money.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and support it with clear reasons in the body.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraphs to help the reader follow your ideas easily.
task achievement
Include specific examples from real life to support your points and make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You have a good balance between discussing both the positive and negative sides of cultural tourism.
coherence and cohesion
You show your understanding of the topic and provide various viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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