IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 period of modernity, many people argue that
education
Use synonyms
 should be a must for every young person until 18 years old. I advocate strongly with these statements and am going to reflect on
this
Linking Words
 essay my own view of
such
Linking Words
 a common issue and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
discuss both opinions. On the one hand,
education
Use synonyms
 is good for every person let alone children that younger than 18.
Firstly
Linking Words
, being able to know mathematics, history and physics is going to help them in any kind of business they decide
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, getting to know the basics in a lot of fields is going to help
pick
Correct pronoun usage
them pick
show examples
 what kind of work they want to do when they grow up.
Secondly
Linking Words
, learning how great minds think is going to open ways of thinking for them, even if they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 not interested in the new information itself.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some are interested in music and art, which are limited in some schools.
Therefore
Linking Words
 some kids drop out to focus on the things that their passionate about, I believe that getting a full school
education
Use synonyms
 is a safe choice for future choices. In my mind
education
Use synonyms
 is never a waste of time, having school until 18 years old and
then
Linking Words
 deciding if they want to continue to get more
education
Use synonyms
 or follow their dreams. I would stress that
education
Use synonyms
 has more positive than negative. I support definitely
this
Linking Words
 statement and my arguments confirm it.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, parents must decide upon themselves what is best for their children.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main argument. This will help guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better (e.g., however, on the other hand). This helps with flow.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples for your points. This makes your argument stronger and clearer.
content
You presented your own opinion clearly, which is important in an argumentative essay.
content
You provided some good reasons for supporting education until 18 years old.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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