Some believe hosting major international sporting events will bring benefits to the country. Others believe it might bring disadvantages. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

It is widely believed that hosting major international sporting
events
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will bring more benefits than drawbacks. Some strongly contend that the disadvantages outweigh the potential advantages it brings.
This
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essay will explain both viewpoints
while
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advocating for hosting global sporting tournaments. First and foremost, international sporting
events
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make a significant impact on
a nations
Change to a genitive case
a nation's economy
the economy of a nation
show examples
economy
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. Notably, it generates worldwide attraction from across the globe, which increases tourism, national identity and economic revenue.
For example
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, South Africa hosted the 2010 FIFA World Cup, which created a positive impact on the nation's
economy
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as thousands travelled to watch.
This
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led to visitors paying for hotels, public transport,
resturants
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restaurants
and match seats, significantly bolstering South Africa's
economy
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as it provided job opportunities in
hospitality
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the hospitality
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,
contruction
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construction
and security sectors .
Moreover
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, hosting
events
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leads to improved infrastructure, roads, airports and public transport systems.
For example
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, Brazil built a new metro system in preparation for the Olympics.
In contrast
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, criminals exploit
such
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events
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to target vulnerable people.
For instance
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, pocket thieves thrive in
densley
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densely
populated areas
such
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as football stadiums. Studies have shown an alarming surge of theft-related incidences, resulting in tourists having a negative experience.
Consequently
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, travellers become deterred from visiting countries with a known reputation for crime.
For example
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, during the FIFA World Cup in South Africa, crime rates skyrocketed. Despite efforts to prevent targeted attacks, police remained understaffed and underfunded, often leading to unsolved cases. In summary, hosting major sporting
events
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significantly boosts a
countries
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country's
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economy
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however
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, nations with a troubled history, foster a conducive environment for criminals making visitors feel uncomfortable.
Nevertheless
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, careful planning can mitigate these circumstances.

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Task Response
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, which is good. However, you may want to explain more about what you mean by 'benefits' and 'drawbacks' to make your main idea stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus. The first paragraph talks about benefits, and the second talks about drawbacks, but they could be more linked to show a comparison. Consider adding phrases that link these ideas together.
Coherence & Cohesion
In your conclusion, restate your opinion more clearly. You could summarize why you think hosting events is more beneficial, which will help wrap up your essay nicely.
Task Achievement
You provided good examples, like the FIFA World Cup in South Africa and the Olympics in Brazil, which support your ideas well.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your writing is generally clear and easy to understand, with a good range of vocabulary for the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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