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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and the determination of the students. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is often argued that
students
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 performing well academically is directly tied
with
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to
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teachers
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' work at schools. Meanwhile, others believe that it depends on the
students
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' resilience and commitment.
Therefore
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, the system will examine both sides and present my opinion. On the one hand,
teachers
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 build foundations of learners' education and often act as
guiders
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guides
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.
That is
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 to say, they educate
the
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apply
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young learners, make them curious, and develop their potential.
For example
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, many renowned scientists got their initial education from
skillful
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skilful
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teachers
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, passing the knowledge from generation to generation with these conventional methods. Nowadays, without a good teacher,
majority
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the majority
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 of
students
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 are not able to excel and succeed
at
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in
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studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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. To ensure that all
students
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 get
efficient
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an efficient
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 education, we have to prioritize
role
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the role
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 of
teachers
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 in the modern world.
On the other hand
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, self-study has become increasingly popular with the rise of technology and accessible resources. Any student now can learn and master any skill thanks to YouTube, Google, and websites that publish free materials.
For instance
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, Khan Academy is a well-known platform to study SAT and many other science subjects. A friend of mine
who
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apply
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aced the exam with 1580 out of
possible
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a possible
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 1600, with only
this
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 website
he
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I
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 was able to achieve
top
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a top
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 score and get into a prestigious university. In my view, with motivation, discipline, and ambition,
students
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 can succeed academically without any guidance.
To conclude
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, both methods are viable in their own way depending on the needs of particular
students
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. I believe there is no fixed technique of learning, but choosing one
that is
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 convenient and relevant for the
students
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.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating what your opinion is earlier in the text.
coherence and cohesion
Try to add more connecting words to make your ideas flow better, such as 'firstly', 'moreover', or 'on the other hand'.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more details or examples to improve clarity.
task achievement
You provide a good balance between both views and support your opinion well.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and enhance your ideas effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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