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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

With the latest advancements in technology and high-speed Internet, it has become increasingly possible to access films and video
games
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 through means
such
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 as mobile devices, smartphones, tablets and computers, regardless of place and time.
While
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this
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 development offers benefits, its drawbacks are more significant. There are several advantages to having easy access to video
games
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 and films online, one of which is convenience. Unlike traditional ways of watching a film, with a few clicks of a button, we now can find
movies
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 based on our preferences with the help of our gadgets. Even better is that we are not limited to certain content like we are on TV, where shows are released
according to
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 schedule.
Also
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, gone are the days when
people
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 used to visit cinemas to watch a film, as today any movie can be viewed on streaming platforms like Netflix to name just one, saving time and money. The same can be said for online
games
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 because young
people
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 do not have to play them at internet cafes by paying, but just
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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from the comfort of their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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.
However
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 beneficial
this
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 trend may sound, I believe that the disadvantages carry more weight. With the chance to play video
games
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 and stream
movies
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 simply on devices like phones or computers, many
people
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 prioritize
such
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 a form of entertainment over activities,
such
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 as playing football or
interaction
Replace the word
interacting
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 face-to-face.
This
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, in turn, can lead to
decline
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a decline
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 in their social skills, so they might find it difficult to form and maintain relationships later in adulthood.
Furthermore
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, as online
games
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 and
movies
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 tend to keep individuals engaged, they are more likely to become addicted.
This
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 obsession could serve as a distraction from their work or studies, leading to poor performance
on
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in
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 these areas. Potential health issues are another negative side of online entertainment.
This
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 is because
people
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, especially children, might spend an inordinate amount of time glued to digital screens, causing less mobility, poor posture and eyestrain. In conclusion,
while
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 accessing films and
movies
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 via technological products- including phones, computers and tablets- has some upsides, they are outweighed by the downsides.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main argument in the introduction.
task achievement
Use more examples or specific cases to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas more smoothly with transition words.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion stronger by summarizing key points.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas on social skills and health problems are very important points.
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