IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Prison is an effective punishment for people who break the law. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Crime
Use synonyms
 has always been a controversial issue, with different ways suggested to reduce it. In
this
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 regard, there is a view that
prison
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 offers more effective punishment to
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
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.
While
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 I believe that giving a sentence for certain wrongdoings has a more powerful effect in tackling
crime
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, I think that it should not be seen as a universal solution. There are cases in which incarceration is the ultimate punishment
to
Change preposition
for
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 criminals.
For example
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, those who committed serious
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 like murder or drug abuse should be kept in
prison
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 to ensure public safety. In
this
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 case, giving a more lenient penalty may not be enough for wrongdoers to realize their mistake and,
therefore
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, they might enter a life of
crime
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 again, increasing
recidivism
Correct article usage
the recidivism
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 rate. Or at least,
this
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 may not serve as an effective deterrent to prospective criminals.
However
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,
prison
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 should not be viewed as a solution to all instances of law-breaking for several reasons. Chief among
is
Correct pronoun usage
them is
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 the fact that an increase in the number of convicts in
prison
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 places a heavy burden on
government
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the government
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 budget, as money is needed for expenses like maintenance, food and clothing to name but a few.
In addition
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, rehabilitation programmes can be a more effective alternative to sentencing. Even after release, many criminals re-offend
due to
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 difficulties in finding a job and reintegrating into society. These programs aim at teaching them necessary skills- so that they can enter the workforce effortlessly- and how detrimental their actions are not only to themselves and their family
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society as a whole. Success in mitigating
crime
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 has been recorded by some Scandinavian nations,
such
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 as Norway and Sweden, after the implementation of
this
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 practice. In conclusion,
prison
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 plays an essential role in treating individuals who break the law.
However
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,
this
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 should be employed based on how severe the
crime
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 is, which
otherwise
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 the government budget
is
Wrong verb form
will be
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 strained, and the recidivism rate will still be on the rise.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument and flows well from one to the next.
task achievement
Try to give more examples to support your points, especially in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your conclusion to emphasize your main ideas again briefly.
coherence and cohesion
Good structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Strong examples from other countries to support your argument.
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