IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram illustrates the proportions of students in Britain who have the ability to speak other languages in addition to English from 2000 to 2010.

The diagram illustrates the proportions of students in Britain who have the ability to speak other languages in addition to English from 2000 to 2010.
The pie charts illustrate the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 at one university in England who were able to speak other
languages
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 to English over ten years between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most people in university spoke Spanish only in 2000 and 2010,
while
Linking Words
 a few
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 can speak two other
languages
Use synonyms
. In 2000, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who could speak two other
languages
Use synonyms
 was 10
students
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 10 people
speak
Wrong verb form
spoke
show examples
 German only, in 2010 they remained stable,
then
Linking Words
 followed by 15
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 can speak French only,
while
Linking Words
 they decreased by 5 learners and become 10
students
Use synonyms
, and 15
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 speak Another language, in 2010 they increased by 5
students
Use synonyms
 and become 20 people,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 they don't speak other
languages
Use synonyms
 was 20
students
Use synonyms
, and they are decreased half of them in 2010,
moreover
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who could speak only Spanish was 30 in 2000, increasing by 5 to reach 35 in 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, british, students, languages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • students
  • speak
  • languages
  • ability
  • English
  • illustrates
  • increase
  • importance
  • multilingualism
  • global
  • reflecting
  • focus
  • historical
  • learning
  • indicating
  • shift
  • educational
  • priorities
  • diversity
  • access
What to do next:
Look at other essays: